How PQ Saboteurs Can Make it Difficult to Ask For Help

Have you ever looked at your to-do list, overwhelmed but still saying, “I’ve got it”? Or stayed late, juggling tasks, resisting delegating or reaching out? Many high-achieving women find asking for help difficult. But why?

There’s often more at play than just workload or logistics. Underneath our reluctance to ask for help are deeper truths, ones we may not even be fully aware of.

This is where Positive Intelligence (PQ) comes in. I’ve been weaving Positive Intelligence (PQ) into my coaching, especially for how it anchors us in presence through those bite‑sized “PQ reps.” These are small, meditative moments throughout the day that help us stay emotionally regulated and grounded. If life’s momentum starts to pull us into reactive patterns such as stress, worry, and defensiveness, just pausing for a PQ rep can gently reset our nervous system. 

PQ also introduces us to our Saboteurs, the inner voices that undermine our peace and our trust in ourselves. We all have them. Past experiences and survival strategies shape them. But left unchecked, they can make it difficult to receive support.

The PQ Saboteurs

• Judge: Calls out flaws in ourselves, others, or the situation.

• Hyper‑Achiever: Measures self‑worth by performance.

• Controller: Believes things must be done “right” by you alone.

• Stickler: Pursues perfection and order through high standards.

• Avoider: Sidesteps discomfort or criticism at all costs.

• Pleaser: Seeks acceptance by focusing on others' needs over its own.

• Restless: Jumps from one thing to the next in search of stimulation.

• Victim: Leans into drama and identifies through emotional pain.

To take the quiz to discover your Sabotuers, click here. 

Why Some Saboteurs Make Asking for Help Hard

Here are four common Saboteurs, and the ways they whisper reasons to not ask for help:

1. Hyper‑Achiever

• Core belief: "My self‑worth is tied to my performance and achievements."

• Impact: May avoid asking for help because it feels like a sign of weakness or failure. They want to be seen as competent and self-sufficient.

• Internal narrative: “If I ask for help, they'll think I can’t handle it.” – I would add, that maybe even scarier, I’ll believe I can’t handle it. 

2. Controller

• Core belief: "I need to be in control to get things done right."

• Impact: May see asking for help as losing control or opening themselves to others’ unreliable input.

• Internal narrative: “No one else will do it the right way.”- or maybe it’s more “It won’t be how I like it”. 

3. Avoider

• Core belief: "Avoid conflict and unpleasantness at all costs."

• Impact: May fear rejection or discomfort from potentially burdening others. Avoids vulnerability.

• Internal narrative: “I don’t want to be a bother.” I see this one all the time. 

4. Pleaser

• Core belief: "I must earn others’ acceptance by helping them and putting my own needs aside."

• Impact: Focuses so much on others’ needs that asking for help feels selfish or wrong.

• Internal narrative: “I should be helping, not needing help.” It gets tangled with identity: you’re the helper.

How PQ Reps and Self‑Inquiry Can Shift the Saboteur Scripts

When one of these Saboteurs shows up, try this:

• Pause for a PQ rep.

• Close your eyes (or soften your gaze), and breathe. Notice your emotion (stress, resistance, self‑criticism) without trying to change it. Slow breath in, slow breath out. Let tension soften.

• Name the Saboteur.

• Mentally name it: “Aha, Hyper‑Achiever is here.” Naming increases awareness and loosens its grip.

• Ask discerning questions to lean into curiosity.

• What story am I telling myself?

• Is this belief true or necessary right now?

• What inner strength or calm feels more aligned with me than the Saboteur’s energy?

• Invite support out of alignment, not obligation.

• Then, only if it’s aligned, ask for help. 

A Little Reflection

• Which of these Saboteurs tends to show up when you’re considering asking for help?

• What emotions or inner stories come up first?

• Can you pause with a PQ rep next time, notice the script, and invite a different energy, maybe your grounded self that knows asking isn’t failure but human connection?

Final Thought

We can often underestimate the courage it takes in asking for help. Using PQ to interrupt the Saboteur stories and reconnect with our wise self can turn asking for help from a place of stress or fear into intentional presence.

Consider staying true to what you need, to what helps you remain in alignment. What does compassionate courage look like for you today?