You’re the One Everyone Relies on - But Who Supports You?

I don’t usually have a hard time asking for help. For whatever reason, that’s not one of my (many!) growing edges. But I know for many of the people in my life, that is a challenge. I see it weekly with my clients.

Over time, I began noticing what makes things easier and more simplified for me. I think it’s less about asking for help and more about what’s already in place. That’s how I discovered that having a great support system of people I love and trust is essential to me.  

But here’s the thing: I don’t really think of my support system as a “system” in the traditional sense. It feels more like an ecosystem. It’s not about me at the center and everyone else orbiting around, it’s about things being in relationship with each other, where we’re all part of something we’re tending together.

An Extra Half Hour That Said So Much

I see this ecosystem in my work relationships, in my family support (my parents, our nanny, and my partnership with Tory), and even in those small everyday moments. Like yesterday, our nanny, who’s usually done by 5, stayed an extra half hour. She said she wanted to finish folding the laundry so I’d feel good about that being taken care of. But I think some of it was also about being in community for a moment longer - something we both appreciated. There was something deeply human about that.

That moment reminded me: asking for help, receiving support, sharing space, it’s not a burden. It creates a connection. People often want to help. When my neighbor asks to borrow the kid’s push car or a rake, it feels good to be able to say yes. It’s choosing to be a part of something, choosing connection.

Letting Others In Might Be a Gift for Them, Too

I think that’s part of what makes it easier for me to ask for help. There’s this underlying belief I hold that it’s good for everyone involved (if not overused or imbalanced over the long run). My belief doesn’t necessarily come from logic - I recognize as humans we don’t usually change how we feel because of a rational framework. But this idea does help reinforce what I already feel to be true: that support flows both ways, and that people actually feel better when they can offer something.

When Resistance Has Roots in Identity

But I know letting support flow both ways isn’t true for everyone. I’ve seen clients hold real resistance to asking for help, even when they know they need it. And usually, that resistance isn’t about the surface-level task. It’s tied to a sense of identity or values. And shifting that is hard.

When that resistance shows up, I try not to push towards a “right” answer. If you’re not ready to move through it, then maybe it’s time to just acknowledge it. If you’re choosing not to ask for help, own that choice. And if it’s something you do want to shift, then it’s worth going all in.

Go All In On What Matters

That’s how I tend to operate: go all in on what you care about. Give it everything. And give everything else... not much. It’s not that I’m not hardworking. It’s that I work really hard when it matters to me. 

So maybe the question isn’t just, “Who supports you?”

Maybe it’s also: “Where are you already supported in ways you haven’t even noticed?”

And: “What would shift if you let yourself feel held by that, even just a little?”