The Cost of Always Being On

There’s a lot out there about burnout. About the mental load women carry in the form of juggling households, calendars, and careers all at once. How women in leadership roles take on more emotional labor, especially in times of crisis. None of that is new, and while it’s true, I don’t want to just add to the pile of depressing truths we already know.

Because here’s the tension I’ve felt in the women I coach: How do we acknowledge the reality of systems that are overwhelming, unfair, and demanding… without giving up our sense of agency entirely?

Both things can be true. The world asks too much of women… AND we still get to choose how we respond.

The Myth of Always Being On

In leadership, there’s a subtle message that if you want to be effective, reliable, or trusted, you have to be on all the time. I see a lot of leaders who are incredibly attuned to what others want or need. But somewhere in the process, they lose touch with what they want and need.

They’re thinking all the time, caught in the act of always having to be responding, moving through life half-present, half-strategizing the next thing.

And the cost of that can cause a disconnection from yourself, your purpose, and your own joy.  

I remember learning this in a very ordinary way. In high school, my mom was on me about not getting enough sleep. I brushed it off, as teenagers do, until one day something clicked: I could spend more time half-awake and miserable, or I could sleep well and enjoy the fewer waking hours I had with more energy and presence. But that’s life, right? The choice between being half-here… or fully present.

Why Space Matters

I believe deeply in the power of retreat. Stepping away fully, even just for a few days, resets something foundational. But what can expand the act of stepping away is to pair the experience with tools that help us re-center in the small moments. That’s why I love the interplay between immersive experiences and everyday mental fitness practices, like Positive Intelligence (PQ).

When we create space, we remember who we are and hear our thoughts more clearly. We reconnect with our bodies, our creativity, our values, minds, and from there, we lead differently.

I think this also goes beyond leadership. I think this is a basic human need. We aren’t meant to be on all the time. 

Try This

So if you’re feeling “always on” lately, here’s something gentle to try:

On your next walk to the mailbox, treat it like a moment that matters. Feel the ground beneath your feet. The breeze on your face. Listen, what do you hear? Birds? Laughter? Wind? Nothing at all? 

Let it be a pause: a full-body yes to being here, even just for that moment.

Check out this link for more information on “full body yeses”. 

One More Thing

This idea of creating space to hear yourself again is at the heart of a program I’ve quietly been building over the last few years, called Circle. It’s a space where women leaders gather to pause, reflect, and reconnect with themselves and one another.

If any part of this resonated with you, I hope you’ll stick around. There’s more coming soon.

And in the meantime, I hope you get to enjoy a moment of presence today however small.