When Ambition Can Feel Hollow
Sometimes in the hustle and bustle of it all, we’re left with a little tug of misalignment. It’s easy to keep climbing the ladder of success, and by the time you realize to look down, you can’t see the people below who are cheering you on.
This feeling can be confusing, especially for women who are used to setting a goal, working hard, and following through. The life you mapped out in January might technically be working. Maybe somewhere along the way, it stopped feeling like yours.
When the Win Doesn't Land
I worked with a college student once who was doing all the things. Two jobs, two leadership roles, planning her career three steps ahead. She was smart, motivated, and had a clear vision for where she wanted to go.
When she looked back on her time at school, what she remembered most was the connections she missed. She hadn’t let herself slow down enough to get to know her professors, or build friendships with classmates she now watched (from afar) doing really cool things.
It was that tug of misalignment; the kind that shows up when you realize you were moving too fast to notice the good stuff.
Just Because You Can, Doesn't Mean You Have To
I haven’t felt a ton of misalignment in my own life, probably because I’ve always been pretty dialed into what I want and what matters to me. There was a season where I started getting asked to do more speaking gigs. From the outside, it looked like a clear yes—great exposure, respected stages, the kind of thing that signals "success."
I was good at it. However, I didn’t love it. In fact, I didn’t even like it.
It took a while to figure out what was going on. Was it just nerves? Or did the whole thing genuinely not feel like mine? Saying no was hard, especially when you know you’re capable, and when the world tells you it’s an opportunity you shouldn’t pass up.
Here’s what I’ve come to believe: capability isn’t reason enough to keep doing something. You don’t owe the world your talent if it costs you your peace.
That Tree Outside My Window
I’ve noticed that sometimes ambition can look like never sitting still.
One morning this fall, we were running behind (as usual), trying to get out the door, and my six-year-old stopped me: "Mom, come here, look at the tree."
I almost didn’t. However, I followed him to the window, and there it was: this glowing, golden-yellow tree that had turned almost overnight. I’d looked at that tree a hundred times and never seen it like that.
It stopped me because he noticed. He pulled me out of my plan-for-the-next-thing mindset, back into the moment we were actually in.
Later, on a long car ride home, I remembered something I’d seen online about how we start conversations with our partners. We often fall into the habit of discussing logistics, decisions, and next steps. I tried starting the discussion differently. Not with a to-do or a plan, but just a reflection, an observation about the landscape that was passing by in the car windows.
That car ride was good. Like really good. It created more space for us to exist as people.
What Are You Still Carrying?
As always, I have some questions that fit into the topic of this post:
What are you still chasing that doesn’t feel right anymore?
What expectations are driving your pace, and are they still yours to carry?
Where has your drive come at a cost: your body, your relationships, your sense of presence?
I work with a lot of women who are incredibly capable, incredibly committed, and still wrestling with whether the life they’ve built matches what they want now. Wrestling with whether their ambition is coming from a place of clarity and love, or from old wounds.
Even the strongest, most driven women I know benefit from pausing. From asking: Is this mine? Do I still want it? What would feel more true?
There’s nothing wrong with ambition. If it starts to feel hollow, that’s valuable information you can use to inform your next move.
Potentially an invitation to slow down.